I lost my voice two weeks ago. My songs were drowned out by lung wracking, gasping coughs. At first I was frustrated. How could a one day cold leave such an after effect? I just wanted to sing! Was that too much to ask?
It turns out God had a good reason for removing my voice, and I now count it as a blessing in disguise. However, when my voice returned, I no longer felt like singing. My heart just wasn’t in it. Between old memories rehashed and fresh ones nagging anew, my heart had grown sore.
I rebuked myself for this—angry that I still couldn’t push past the pain and picture the purpose. Strong Christians are supposed to just believe, right? They’re supposed to praise God in the storm! But in that moment of crying out to God, all I heard was, “Only trust.”
So often we get caught by this vision of what a perfect Christian looks like. They’re someone who always stands strong, who proclaims light in the darkness and praises in the suffering. I think Solomon understood a different side of this though. He said there is a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. ~ Ecclesiastes 3:4 NKJV
Yes, there are times when we’re called to sing out in the struggles. At the same time though, I don’t believe God stood over my hurt with judgment. I can’t believe He was ashamed of me when Jesus Himself suffered similar pain and cried out for the Father. God knows the very depth of my heart better than I do. When no one else can understand, He does! He sees the pain and whispers, “I know it hurts. Only trust.”
When my heart is sore
And living a chore
Maybe I don’t have to roar
When my prayers fall short
God only asks me to dock at His port
When there’s pain
And irrational shame
Maybe I don’t have to proclaim
When my heart is thrust
God only asks me to trust
When life feels left to chance
And passes in a glance
Maybe I don’t have to dance
When empty hands are all I bring
God only asks me to cling
Maybe I don’t have to be perfect
In a world already wrecked
Maybe I simply need to trust
When nothing is just
Maybe it’s about standing tall
When it’s easier to fall
Because here’s the truth straight
God loves me at any rate
He doesn’t ask me to be brave
Only to remember what He gave
I don’t need to be fit for a throne
God only tells me I’m never alone
When I stand at cliff’s brink
And I’m trying not to sink
Maybe I don’t have to over think
When my heart is swelled
God only asks me to be held
When my soul is lonely
And trials repeat like a story
God only says, “It’s for my glory.”
When my faith is tested
God only vows He can’t be bested
When my heart still stings
And I can no longer sing
God only asks to remain my King
When my world goes bust
God whispers, “Only trust.”
All is Grace, Esther Noe
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